X - Chapter Thirty Seven "The Thirty Percent Solution"

 

"The Thirty Percent Solution"

Chapter Thirty Seven - Mike Stein 

      This account is drawing to a close. 

      Yes, life goes on, and we can’t stop time. There are very few clear lines or boundaries in life, and there are very few sharp beginnings or endings. Most of the time, life crawls along at its own pace between some rare life-changing events.

      The story I tell in “The Thirty Percent Solution” was an important time in my life, and I was greatly impacted by the people who surrounded me and influenced my conception of life. Now, those people and I are bumping up against some of those life-changing moments. 

      But my relating of our stories can’t go on forever. I have to choose a moment to close the narrative. That moment’s now. Still I want to explain some of the things I’ve learned and point to the future. 

      Three of the main personages in this tale shared an important moment when the New York City District Attorney’s Office announced two plea bargains in their criminal cases about a week ago. Grant Stauffer agreed to a plea of guilty of murder in the second degree and received a sentence of up to twenty-five years; and Steve Bucknell entered a plea of guilty to aggravated assault, with a sentence of up to ten years. Charges of accessory to murder against Gloria Merritt were dismissed. 

      But to be realistic, it’s very likely that Grant Stauffer will be released from prison early, maybe in around fifteen years, and then – despite his advanced age – he’ll certainly try to establish a new life as best he can. Steve Bucknell could be released early also, and he too is sure to attempt to start anew. And Gloria Merritt will have an inheritance to help her continue her life in comfort. 

      For the time being, I’m working at Winshire, helping Bill Voldman and Scott Li. I’ll remain for a reasonable time, at least until this whole circus slows down. Why? The two of them have been honest and fair with me, and I owe them a debt. Bill shared his plans with me to transform Winshire Associates into a new form of management consultancy, one that will certainly help large private clients, but also one that will try to help find solutions to the world’s major challenges, like climate change and world starvation. In any case, Bill told me that he’ll most likely retire in two years, and then he and Maggie will probably head for Europe and maybe some other exciting places.  

      Gordy Hope is working with Bill as his new Senior VP. Gordy’s thrilled to be an important part of the transformation of Winshire Associates. It’s sure that for an ambitious project like that, they won’t know how well it succeeds for several years. But if Gordy performs well, I’ll bet he’ll follow Bill as president.  

      In the meantime, they’re launching a new service for clients that kind of parallels their major overhaul at Winshire. The new service is called Future Scope©, and it constructs models of future markets for clients to formulate their strategies in advance. Winshire’s head of the Research Department, Mohamad Mansour, is leading that project. 

      Right now, it’s early in the evening on Sunday. I’m sitting at my desk in my little office off our living room in our home in Hastings-on-Hudson. I can hear our two boys just on the other side of the open doorway. Josh is on the couch looking at the pictures in Dr. Seuss’ “Cat in the Hat.” I can hear him naming the things he sees. Josh’s little exercise makes me think that he’s one step closer to actual reading. Isaac is on the floor pushing his Matchbox cars along some imaginary roadway and making the sounds to match. 

      I learned about the District Attorney’s plea agreements early one morning  when I read the article in The New York Times by Fabio DiAndrea. Since then, I’ve been able to calm down and to think things over. I thought about all of my worrying since starting at Winshire Associates and seeing what was going on there. Along the way, I’ve written in this account about the choices I made and my personal values. I see now that I didn’t always live up to the values I expressed. 

      After all that thinking, you’d expect that I’d be ready to face any complicated issue or situation with the principles and rules I settled on during my tranquil meditations over the last week. But that’s not the way life works for me. It seems that each new situation is unique and complex, and each one presents me with a new set of my emotions and my same old obsessions. So now, the best I can do is to pledge to be as good a person, husband and father as I can. 

      That brings me to Ermira Bajrami. I’m still attracted to her. Images of her keep floating up in my mind – her fine nose, the curves of her red lips, her softness, her black stockings. They bother me. They conflict with my true love for Wendy and the naïve image I fancied of myself as some kind of a protector of women, an image that went all the way back to my rescue of Elise at Lincoln High. It’s not clear any more.    

      Well, a while ago, I talked this over with my Dad for more than an hour – of course – on the phone. I’m not sure I was clear in describing my problem. But his answer was clear: “Mike, this is one of the oldest issues in the world. You can’t punish yourself for appreciating a woman’s beauty. It’s built into our wiring. That’s something you can enjoy, and then a burden you gotta carry.”

       I even forced myself to mention the whole thing to Wendy. Her response? “Mike, why keep beating yourself up? You know what you proved? You proved you’re a guy, a regular guy. And, really, you didn’t do anything. And I love you because you’re you, and because you’re honest with me.”

      Where does that leave me? Ermira is almost alone in New York, and she needs help and friendship. It’s up to me to be a friend, to help her if I can, and then be strong and honor my commitments. I’m sure, as time goes by, she’ll make new friends and I’ll see less of her, but remain a friend.   

      As soon as I can, I’m going to get back to journalism. That’s where my experience and my ability lie. And that’s where I’m happy, where I can make a contribution, and live up to my values. Right now I have an employment application pending at The New York Times. It was Fabio’s idea, and he’s being more than helpful. If that doesn’t work out, I can return to Chemical Week, or look somewhere else for another green pasture. 

      There’s a lot of evil in the world, and I’ve sure seen some examples of it over the last few months. But I’ve also seen a lot of good. I’ve been fortunate in my life to have benefited from that good. I want to be part of the good that exists, and I want to find ways to share it. 

      And listening to Josh and Isaac play in the next room, I believe I have a special responsibility. I want them to have good lives and be good people. So, I have to be the best example for them I can be. And that makes me think of the kind of example my father has been to me. He’s far from perfect. When I think about him now, two of his qualities stand out: One of them is his work ethic, his readiness to work hard to achieve his goals; and the other is his honesty, the quality you know you have, that is part of you, and you can’t let yourself lose it. 

      Thank you for spending time with me and reading my story. 

      Mike